How do you hug in your country?

Diary

I am standing at the departure area in Noi Bai airport in Ha Noi. People come and go carrying luggages and looking for the monitors which display the check in counters. Young Vietnamese men and women wear cotton jackets with a company name printed on them. It is the company which is sending them to work overseas. They sit in groups on their luggages. They have probably arrived too early and the check in has not yet started. They look like factory workers on a shift break with their uniforms, sitting sipping imaginary green tea. One very young man arrives accompanied by his all family. Several generations accompanying him for his departure to who-knows-where: grand mother, mother, father, sisters and brothers. They all look nervous. The good bye, the departure for an unknown country maybe in the middle east.

I observe the group. They do not exchange many words. At one point the mother gives a shy hug to his son. A very quick hug, with her harms around his waist. She does not look at him while hugging and he also looks somewhere else a bit embarrassed (or maybe touched but he cannot show that). He then bends down takes his luggage and move to the check in. It is all happening too fast and tears starts to fall from his mother eyes. I am touched as well. She takes paper napkin from her trousers and dries her eyes but it does not work. She sobs a couple of times. I look at her family members. Some look at the brother. Some talk to each other, but nobody hugs her or put and harm around her shoulder. Why? I almost feel going there and do it myself.

It is obvious that different countries have different rules when it comes to exchange of emotions. Hugging is not something you do in Vietnam or only very rarely. It is too much linked to showing emotions.

Where I come from, Italy, hugging is more common among male friends or relatives. In other cases with people you meet, or female friends, and so on a cheek to cheek kiss is what is more common and often substitutes a hug.  In Finland, on the other hand, kisses are not very common or even rare. While a hug with a certain careful distance between the bodies, avoidance of cheek touch and a slight tapping of the hand on the shoulder is more acceptable. In the UK nice hugging and tapping among colleagues and friends.

Different places, different habits and how many words can a hug say when there are feelings I think while the mother leaves from the glass door of the airport. Her thoughts for his son and the memory of a shy hug at Noi Bai airport.

On the way to Doha

Diary

A week ago. I’am boarding the TG fly from Manila to Bangkok. Walk in the aisle looking up for the row number, holding my boarding card in one hand. I must have looked at the number printed on it at least 50 times an yet I keep on looking at it and then look up to search for the right row. Why can’t I remember these plane seats numbers?

I reach it, 34 aisle seat. A Filipino lady is next to me. She looks nervous. I store my luggage up, sit and notice that she is looking at the middle seat row. Another lady is sitting there and they both look at me. They are friends and want to sit  next to each other. So I offer my seat and move to the middle three seat row. They are happy and smile. Do not speak English though. I seat down and notice that at my right side sits a young Filipino lady, small, kind of petite type. Black t-shirt, light brown trousers and simple sandals. Longish black hair. ‘Hi’, I said. ‘Hi’, she replies in English with a shy smile. A stewards comes waving immigration cards for Thailand. The young lady does not know for what they are and I explain that she should fill them only in the case she stops in Bangkok. ‘No, I am going to Doha’. A Filipino young woman on the way to Doha can mean several things. Join the large Filipino expat community living there and working in hotels, or being a made or nanny in the house of some rich families or else be on the way to become a bar girl. There must be several other options, but these are  the three that come to my mind.

‘I am going to join a friend in Doha’, she tells me when we are are flying over the South China sea. ‘What is she doing’, I ask. ‘She is working in tourism sector, in a kind of company over there’, she explains but to me it sounds she does not know much about it. ‘What kind of visa do you have’, I ask. ‘A three months one until end of the year’, she says taking from her bag all the documentation she is carrying to enter Qatar. She finally finds the pink A4 page which is the temporary visa. Processed from Qatar as Filipino immigrants must have a connection there in order to enter the country. Arabic words from right to left and their English translation from left to right. Read her name, Maria Lourdes. She is born in 1982, so she is 27 years old but looks younger.

‘What will you do after December, when the visa will expire?’. ‘I hope to find a work before then and then change my visa’. ‘How long do you plan to stay there?’. ‘Some years’.

I ask if she has been overseas before. I am a bit surprised when she says that she has been living in Japan, near Tokyo for 5 years working as a maid. ‘Why did you leave?’. ‘Japan in the end was difficult place to be’. I imagine her as a Filipino workers in Japan. Maybe lonely. Earning a decent salary, saving and sending money home but cut out from society. Hopefully there were other Filipino staying in the same city or area. At least in Doha is full of Filipinos workers, I think.

So she has been overseas but seems a bit nervous or tense. As if she would not leave again the Philippine but had no choice. The seat belt sign is switched on. At the same time when the captain announces with a calm voice that we will meet a turbulence the plane pliunges several hundred meters. Some people shouts. Mari Lourdes grabs my harm with a nervous laugh. It si all ok in few seconds and we continue to cruise calmly. She keeps holding my harm and tells me that the two lady on our right side shouted in Tagalo something about ‘God save us’. She says this with a smile as she found quite funny the expression they used. I fall asleep and at one point I feel her head resting lightly on my left shoulder and open my eyes. She is also sleeping and I try not to move too much so not to wake her up.

We land in BKK. Grey clouds but no rain. The plane taxis in an open space, so we all have to go down and get the bus to the transfer terminal. I walk down the stair with her. When she sees the bus she asks me if we need to pay for it. ‘No, it is for free. It will bring us to the terminal where you will check the gate of your next flight’. She looks a bit worried. When we enter the bus she looks at the plane and says: ‘But that is the plane that will bring me to Doha. How do I get back to it?’. I tell her that she will have to change plane a larger one as the flight to Doha is quite long.  She is still a bit nervous. We reach the terminal. Walk in the arrival corridor which is 900 meters long in BKK and has little signs. One has to walk either 450 meters right or 450 meters left to reach the transfer desks. So one may walk to the wrong transfer desk and have then to walk back the whole airport to reach right concourse. ‘Follow me’, I say, ‘Let’s go this way’. She looks around a bit amazed of how big is this concourse is with its three levels, the modern architecture and design, the shops, and all these people walking to one gate to another.

We reach the Thai Airways transfer desk. My time is also running out as I have only 40 minutes connection time and have to find Jeff who arrived this morning from London and will continue with me to Hanoi. I read to her the gate she need to go, C5. We pass through a new security check in.  They stop her to open her bag and search it carefully which make her even more nervous. She doe snot look suspicious to me, but will that is the job of the security staff. We reach the corner where I can show her the huge letter C of the C councourse. Point her to that direction and tell her she has plenty of time. Up to this point all her attention was for the airport, the building, the people, the shops. She now looks at me. We stand for a moment in this walking crowd and look at each other. ‘Thank you very much for helping me’ and she extend her hand to say good bye. ‘Nothing to thank’. I take her hand. ‘All the best and good buy. Take care. Ok?’. She holds my hand firmly for few seconds. Strong little hand. We then turn to opposite directions and fade in the walking crowd.

Ha Noi is back. I am back in Ha Noi.

Diary

I left Ha Noi with the girls on 6. April this year. So not too long ago. Seems much longer. We live now in anew country. Rented a nice house which has become home. Girls go to the Silliman school and do their prayers and national anthem ceremony every morning. The Silliman beach is 300 meters from our house. Katja works in an interesting project on forestry and local planning.

So Ha Noi. It is 00:49 and I just walked back with my ODI colleague Jeff from Jo Jo’s on 23 Hai Ba Trung to the Horison hotel. It was a half an hour walk in almost empty streets as this town goes to sleep at night. We walked by shadows of motorbikes drivers asking if we wanted a ride. Taxi with the vacant sign on driving slowly to catch the few customers left in the Ha Noi night.

Clear air, the moist warmth of this town all around buildings, trees on the side of the streets, and myself. The sign of being in Asia. Few guards sleeping outside larger shops on two or three chairs aligned to create a sort of bed.  Jeff is telling me about his adventure on a hotel in Uganda facing the Lake Victoria.  At one point a group of 5-6 youngsters on the side of the street near the Temple of Literature. I tense for a second but then realize that in the end this is Ha Noi and it is safe. I would not walk the same way in Phnom Penh or Manila.  This is Ha Noi and have the feeling that there something untold between me and this city. And now I am back.

When we left in April i think I wrote a entry in this blog on the reasons I did not fall in love with the town. But is this story really finished? Actually not. I am back and see sides of the town I did not see when I was here. I walk its streets in the middle of the night. I meet Akiko of UNFPA who knows Katja from the UN staff association and realize the small circle of expat that defines working and living in Hanoi.  Out with Toon and Ha to eat at the Petit Bruxelles and hear about their next move to BKK.  Think that I may be able to overnight at their place when on transit there. Sip a nice coffee on the Highland Coffee at Hoa Kiem lake and enjoy the chill out music while reading a book.   Walk around the Temple of Literature which is now hidden in darkness of the night and holds the secretes of its long history and of people lives who have studied and lived there long time ago. 

Tomorrow this same place will be full of motorbikes, cars, horns, bicycles and hide its serendipitous peace and tranquility for tomorrow night.

I walk in the warm and cool night and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk. Ha Noi is back and I am back in Ha Noi.

Believes, thoughts, and emotions and a sunrise in Dumaguete

Diary

What does influence our way of thinking? What does determine our believes, our point of view of the world? These are questions that have been around for some time and probably will never cease to be. Each of us has an own point of view and interpretation of reality. When Obama was elected many people were happy. However that election meant something different to all those people because each of them as a particular point of view, a particular way to understand and comprehend that event or define the word change which was used so much during the campaign. If tragedy struck, like the recent floods in Northern Luzon in the Philippines, each individual who lived through that or through TV images sees that tragedy in a particular way. It is like as people see reality in different colors and within each color an almost infinite gradation of green, blue, yellow, red, and so on.

What comes first? Believes? Thoughts? Emotions? They are all interconnected and mutually reinforcing. A friend used to have books on emotional intelligence in her bookshelf (she reads also this blog at times). I always found that the two terms were contradicting each other: intelligence belongs to the realm of rationality, cause-effect thinking, almost by definition void of emotions. Emotions, on the other hand, belong to the realm of what is not rational, the often uncontrolled physical response to an event or a thought thorough a pang in the chest, cold sweat, the feeling of having the heart beating in the throat, trembling. Physical reactions which are triggered by an event or a thought.

I came now to realize how the three are interconnected and that emotional intelligence may be a way to describe in a quasi scientific way the links between believes, thoughts and emotions. It is a way to make sense of this complex relationships among the three.  Believes are defined not only by thoughts but a lot, depending on the individual, on emotions. Emotions are defined by our believes and thoughts. Our thoughts are closely related with emotions and believes. All this, I now realize, at times is difficult to manage and feels overwhelming.

It is funny to think that in the end this is all about each of us, how we are inside, how life influenced us and determined the ways we see and interpret it.  The link between believes, thoughts and emotions is like the colors I mentioned before, which are different for each individual. Some are more inclined to be influenced by emotions, others are more able to put their mind and thinking before emotions. We all build our believes in different ways depending on who we are and what life experiences we lived through. This make us different but at the same time all so similar. The difference being the gradation of colors through which we see reality. A little bit like the sunrise in Dumaguete pictured here, I am sure we all see the colors of it in a slightly different way for, as Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet , ‘nothing is bad or good, but our mind makes it so.’

Wedding on the sea

Diary

We received a wedding invitation last week. Whitney was getting married with Steve. Whitney we knew as she is been living in Dumaguete for a long time. Steve we did not and I was also unsure as to he was a Pilipino man or a Westerner. Names here not always help with making this (not so relevant) distinction here. The invitation was for 16:00 on Saturday at the St.Monica resort, 10 km north of Dumaguete. We got ready in time. There was no list where to choose the present from so Katja opted for a hand made glass jar. We wrapped it a bag from the design shop of MOMA which I brought with me last week, just to create a bit of confusion.

We arrived at the resort on time and found that food catering had just been delivered. We were early. Not many guest yet. Just few Australian volunteers and some Peace Corps. The most important thing is that after days of rain the sky turned to blue and sun was shining, starting its descent behind the volcano that towers over Dumaguete to the west.  White paper balloons were decorating the area of the tables for the guests. It ahs been nice to arrive early. Watching at the preparation. The soft sheets of cotton fabric gently blown by the sea breeze, a sense of expectation for what was starting in few minutes. The empty tables, with glasses and plates and the reggae band tuning their instruments.  We met even Steve, whom we though was the best man, fixing the last details with the staff from the resort

The ceremony took place next to the sea on soft green grass. Chairs were lined up on the side of a walkway done with ….. flowers. The pastor waiting in the middle or a round shaped area filled with flowers. He was there waiting with the Bible in his hand. White shirt.  Steve arrived and went next to him, waiting for Whitney. He had a light brown short with Pilipino embroidery, dark trousers, and flip flops. Whitney arrived accompanied by her father. A long white dress, barefoot on the soft grass, a small tattoo on her right foot.

The ceremony started. Whitney and Steve were standing, facing each other at times holding hands. They red from papers they had prepared for each others their demands to become husband and wife ‘…with all my imperfections….?’

The sun was setting. Whitney dog who was supposed to carry the rings but ran away with them. they chased him around for few minute and got hold of the rings. Then music started ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ and the couple walked away on dancing steps.

The party then started with an aperitif and then buffet of Pilipino food.  During the party I met two Italian living here in Dumaguete: Francesco and Oliviero. Discovered that we are four Italian residents here, enough to have some more aperitif on Rizal Boulevard of Dumaguete. There was nice music played by the band. The girls had a swim in the pool and the night was clear and warm.

Cappuccino at Hong Kong airport

Diary

Long connecting time in Hong Kong between the flight from Helsinki and the one to Cebu. Had a shower in the pay-per-visit lounge and slept for four hours in their capsule rooms.

Found an Illy caffe which is good to start the day with a nice cappuccino Italian style.

I sit at one of these small round bar tables which you would find outside a bar in Italy. One big difference is that I am not surrounded by buildings dating back to the middle age middle age. A second big difference is that I can take the cappuccino at the bar and bring it  with me at the table for the same price (2€). In Italy there is the bar (al bancone) official price and the table price where it is possible to charge whatever.

Taste the creamy foam with the spoon. Breaking the leave which is designed on it. The first sip of coffee. The nice cup. No sugar for me.

Two pilots are sitting on a table nearby. One is Asian and had two golden strips on his shirt. The other is a Westerner, maybe Australian or  maybe British. He has three golden strips so he must be the commander.  He has a Apple PC open on the desk and is trying to make a phone call with a mobile. The Asian pilot looks a bit bored. they both had cappuccino as well.  The call goes through: ‘Hi, what’s up?’. ‘Yes, I am near the gate 27 having a coffee. How about yesterday night? Where did you go?’. He listen for few seconds. ‘I got to go now, we have to walk about a kilometer to the flight. Yes, I will be in Shanghai ….. Not much more flying this week. Bye’.

I think that listening to other conversation is not polite, isn’t it? But I find that when i am jet legged my senses are much more alert than usual.

The call finishes. He closes the laptop. They stand up and leave. I think about these pilots. They fly almost every day. Moving so many people around. Sitting in their deck with hundreds of lights to be checked, screens, levels, security procedures. How do they do they go through a blue period? How do they manage with the jet leg?

I tell to myself that it is better not to think about these things and the same moment I think this I remember the sunrise this morning when we were way above China on our way to Hong Kong. Black night one second, broken all of a sudden by the dim line of the horizon in yellow, orange, green, blue and the first ray of sun to hit our plane.  Up there one may be able to forget for a moment his or her blue period. It is just that moment when the sun rises that matters.

The life of others

Diary

In London. Only few days ago I was in NYC. High up at the 86th floor of the observatory of the Empire State Building. Looking down I already described in an earlier blog how the people walking down on the street were small. Just dots moving in slow motion crossing streets and avenues. Stopping at a red light. Passing zebra crossing. Stopping at shops and thinking whether or go in and buy that nice desk lamp.

NY labyrinth of streets  is relative simple. All parallel streets going from East to West, crossing long avenues which cut Manhattan from North to South.  People in the form of tiny dots walking along this labyrinth. Here is one crossing the street. Another turning around the corner. There is another who stops in front of what seems a shop seemingly waiting for somebody else.

All these dots have a clear path behind them. A path which led them up to this point in this very moment and which creates and intricate webs of people lives.  These lines intersect in many points. Sometime casually. Coming from different directions and meeting at a corner. Stopping for a moment and deciding to continue along the same way. Other times they just cross for an instant. These lines are others people lives and it is great to see this intricate web from above. 

In few minutes I will be walking down there. Creating my line and continuing it along the way. Maybe 6th Avenue, maybe 43th Street. Who knows. I still have to decide from up here which direction I will take.

Stopping at Tiffany’s

Diary

Jet leg is annoying but allows also for surprises.  Leave at 6:00 from the Gershwin hotel. Turn the corner of 27th St and follow the 5th Av. up towards Central Park. It is still dark and it is easy to cross the street. Still little traffic. Some 24hrs coffee shop have lights on and no customer. Just very tired waiters. Continue up. Still looking up to high rising. Streets are also been clean with water hoses. I jump over them. 5th Av climbs a little bit up. I can now see the trees of Central Park. Still 4-5 blocks to go. Looked at my watch. I have been running just 14 minutes. Daylight is very close now. Red traffic light and traffic coming form the left. So I stop at this corner which looks strangely familiar. I look at the building on my right. Thick wall with small windows closed by a thin small golden curtain. I looked at the two windows. It is a shop but has not a large window. There there is the entrance door. Very thick metal. I Look up on top of it I read T-I-F-F-A- N-Y-‘-S. This is Tyffani’s corner. The doors are closed. The windows have just a dim light. Day light almost there. I can see a yellow cab parking just in front to the door and Audrey Hebburn appearing with a elegant dress, a cup of coffee in her left hand and a paper back with two bagels in her right hand.  She walk to the window. She looks tired but wants to have this first moment of the day for herself. She walks slowly. Sip the coffee and gives a couple of small bites to the bagles. She turns around the corner and throws the paper bag in the dust bin and walks away slowly and tired.
Traffic light turns green. I cross the street and head to Central Park at sunrise.

The tower and the shell

Diary

Today for lunch up to the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. 2 min to climb 80 floors and then another slower elevators for the last 6. It was warm and not too windy on the observatory and the view stunning. High rise, low rise, avenues, streets, yellow cabs like yellow ants crawling in search of food. People like dots crossing zebra crossings. A Lego town just at the feet of the tower.

Walking to look for a place to have lunch and seeing what only this town maybe can offer. Two Muslim workers who lay on the pavement at the side of the of the walkway their mosque prayer map, put on top of it a kind of compass that indicates where the Mecca is and go on their knees with hands talking up to the sky. Closed eyes reciting the Koran while life flows around them.  Yellow cabs, people on mobile phones, a police woman regulating the traffic.

Then the shell of the Guggenheim museum. Like the interior of a Nautilus shell and which climbs gently in the shape of a bowl. I walked in. Looked up to the spiral structure of the interiors and the paintings of the Kandinsky exhibition all disappeared. I walked slowly up, following the gentle slope. Hands behind my back. Glancing at the colorful painting hanging on the white wall but did not stop much. I was rather soaking the soft noise of people talking to each other about the paintings. Asking questions to the museum staff. People of all ages probably unsure as to whether focus on the museum architecture of the art within it. I walked up. Turned and walked down. At one point the large painting called ‘Several Circles’. Black background and several colorful circles of various sizes that resemble a complex web of planets. Colors that merges and take a different tone when the circles overlap.  A mother is taking with her son who may be 6-7 years old about the paining and is asking him what he thinks. He likes it and described the various colors he can see. I feel a pang inside my chest, I wish I had Olga and Venla here with me in this moment.

Central Park is not far

Diary

Woke up again at 5:30. So I waited a bit and put then my running gear. Wanted to run up to Central Aprk. It is very easy to find direction.  So out from hotel, pass 6th Av, reach 7th Av passing by the Empire State Building. Then down to the park, passing the lights of Times Square. Seems a bit like being in one of the movies where I have seen all these places. But no, this is for real. It is me running along these streets. Looking up at the top of the skyscrapers.

I reached the park where daylight broke. So many people where already there either running or cycling. Nobody knew me, I did not know anybody. Just people together running each one with the mind in own thoughts. I followed a path where people were running and reached a lake. Not sure it is the main one or one of many. Took the jogging paths that in 20 easy minutes runs around it. Soft surface. At some points body guards and a group Latin American people in jogging gears, among them catching up his breath after a run, Evo Morales the Bolivian President who is here for the General UN Assembly.

I continue the path. Look at my left towards the lake. On the other side of the lake, the green of trees and above them the old high rising built maybe 100 years ago. the sun rising west, painting the windows in gold. Amazing. I slowed down in a kind of emotional state. It is not easy to run and at the same time feel tears and emotions.

So I kept running. Reached the entrance. Climbed up 6th Av. Tomorrow again, Central Park after all is not far.